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A trip to forget

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A trip to forget

One of the most frequently asked questions I have been getting is that what's my motivation for doing such a trip, what do I seek from it. The answer I always give is that I do it simply because I enjoy being surrounded by mountains, lakes, rivers, and all that, which is true, just left out something important.


I am quite bad as writer, and it lengthy for it's the record of events with duration of 96 days I have to warn you.


So... Once upon a time, I wanted to be a computer scientist, engineer, to contribute in the field of artificial intelligence to have ALL human work force replaced by machine, and I was making fairly good progress towards my goal.


Not that I actually cared that much, but I did believe by such, I would make it so obvious that everyone could see how ridiculous and wrong it is to distribute resource according to the number of murders one's ancestors committed.


At the end of January 2016, I set off from Vancouver aimming to get to Boston in the pursuit of knowledge and the desire to feel what it is like to sit in the lecturehalls I had been watching for the past 7 months. I hitchhike for 10 days and 19 rides and reached Fort Erie in the night of 8 Feburary.


I was taken away by the immigration of Canada before I could even attempt to cross the border for it was illegal for me to leave Vancouver ( I claimed for political asylumn 9 months ago for I as vitim as police violence, do not want to join the army, for they are my enemy) and I shared the secret with whom I shouldn't.


I had only thought about the possibility of succeed, death, captured by American beforehand. The scheme upon kidnapping is simple, the fastest way out. The fatal mistake was that I put my bet on the wrong "people".


On the day of kidnapping, I had been very cooperative with the criminals in the hope not to get hurt serverely and get out as soon as possible. That night, I was taken to this jail, NIAGARA DETENTION CENTER, put in a cage of the size 0.6 * 2 m. Then the kidnappers asked me to undress completely in front of them. I refused ( ignored ) of course. "We are not asking you to, we are telling you to." yelled loudly at my ear by one of the rapists. I ignored it of course. The barbarians might have the control of my body, but not my mind. So they pushed me against the wall and ripped off my clothing as the rape proceeded. I had assumed they would pretend to give a shit about the rights I have as a human on their fake, superficial level at least, a mistake apparently now. 


I was then thrown into another cage, lifeless, made of only concrete and steel as before. It asked me to kneel, I refused of course, so the rapists forced it violently as before. 


I laid there on the concrete double bunk for a while, then I got up to pee, I walked to the metal toilet near the door, the only other object in the cage besides the concrete bed. I stood there and it occured to me, what the fuck would I do those treated me like this while I had nothing to them such a favor, so I pee at the door.


In the morning, they threw in food through the "hatch", like those holes on the door for mails, I ignored it.


Later, I was chained, then taken to the immigration office, thrown into another cage there. There was a book there, so I ripped it apart, I would be the worst prisoner they ever had for the humiliation I had received, for I've done nothing. They tool the book away. I then pushed the emergence button, the dog came barked what's the emergence, I ignored it, it unpushed the button and left, then I pushed the button again, it came, barked, unpushed it, left, repeated... then it ignored the bell when I pushed it. I then went and pee at the door as before.


I was then taken to see the "member" I was assigned an interpreter (who speaks worse English than I do, such a jole) and a legal representative though I clearly stated I do not want them. I wondered how come I was not even asked if I wanted to make the hearing public and have a jury. "Do you think whatever the law says is right?" I ask the representaive of the colonial government. "I do what is legal because I'm a lawful person." it replied. ("Well, I do what is moral because I am a person.") I replied with silence. The dogs signaled me to move back into the cage. I refused to obey to show the rapists that they don't own my mind, and with the hope that they would see what kind of rapists they are eventually, using such violence on a human being who had done nothing against humanity at all. They grabbed me violently to force it as expected.


As they did, one of the dog bended my wrist against the handcuffs very hard, so I gave the dog a glance and looked away, then it showed me this huge grin on its face, and started to bend it harder and harder graduately, (So hard that the wound didn't heal for weeks) as if there's nothing I could do about it. (I now realized that it was right, in such a country it will always get away with it. However, I at the time had the stupid belief in justice will be served one way or another like other innocent people.) I turned and tried to spit on its eye. (Never know if I hit it at all.) The dogs then threw me against the floor, then dragged me into the cage. A few minutes later, I was dragged onto a van with my resistence to obey and their violence as before.


At the jail, they again removed all my clothes violently. The only differences are this time I was raped against the wall instead of the floor and force to put on this extremely uncomfortable "cloth", the rapists claimed it's for my protection. I was dragged to a different cage than the night before, a bit smaller, only a concrete platform and a metal toilet inside. It was on the ground floor and the "bed" were really cold. I laid there shivering, refused to talk to the Nazi or eat their food for two days, then the legal representative, named LISA WINTER-CARD (The by far, evilest creature I have ever encountered I later learned.), I was assigned, came. I requested it to inform the professors from "University" of British Columbia who wrote recommendation letters for my college applications because the rapists took all my papers with phone numbers written and the contacts of these people can be easily found and they value time much, like me. And to contact the lawyer I had in B.C., named JAGDEEP MANGAT, though it had been refusing to talk to me for it considered me insane, I thought it would at least do something against the extremely inhuman, outrageous treatments I had been receiving, another mistake. I also request to inform the NGOs for human rights, it left without letting me finish talking.


The day after, I had a chance to use the normal phone. (Extremely rare opportunity I later learned.) I had no other phone number, so I called the evil prositute-monkey (The "representative"). "I talked to Jagdeep. He(It) said you wanted to jump off a bridge (8 months ago). I knew you are irrational from you said you don't recognize their (Nazi Canada) authority. I am going to try to get you to a hospital."("Obviously, you haven't spoken with my recommendors.")


For the days followed, I tried to convince the guards to send the emails to the professors, a couple of the dogs agreed to do so, except they inly accepted it virbally, no one actually sent them, they just told me they did, later I found, again and again, with different dogs.


3 days since the phone call, 7 days since the kidnap, the so call 48 HR detention "review", which was supposed to be held within 48 HR of kidnapping, was conducted over a phone call. The judge, they call it "the member" for some reason, first name KEN, and the representative of the Nazi, the representative of mine, all agreed that I should be kept in the cage that I was in. It was short, meaningless and fake, I was not given a chance to speak at all. Why have the "review" at all when the result was alteady decided?


I fasted for the days after. I didn't eat for more than a week, not drinking for days till there were pain all over my body, my throat, stomach, lips. Spitting out white bubbles, my throat hurt so much that I could hardly make any sound. I was hoping that I would be sent to the hospital, so I could make phone calls. ("If only I could let anyone I know, anyone, know how they're torturing me, they will get me out in no time.") I would never be sent to the hospital, the "nurse", first name TAMMY, said. I broke the no water fast after 4 or 5 days for the weak mind of mine, on the day I got to make a call to the evil prositute-monkey to login my email and to inform this math professor, named RICHARD FROESE, one of my recommendors, that I was kidnapped.


The monkey came to speak to me through the hatch of the cage that night for the "detention review" next day. I requested to have a chance to speak. It said it had sent an email to RICHARD. "Have you seen a doctor in here?" it asked. "Many." I replied. There had been three "doctors" of the Nazi camp came and asked if I wanted to die. "Of course, you're raping me.""Why would I want to live in such a world 'people' could put me in a cage, rape me and get away with it?" my replies. "If you cooperate with us, we could give you some of your privileges back, such as wearing clothes.""You can't give me the right I already have."


Now that the monkey knew I was actually really good at school, it thought I applied for the refugee status and made the event at the bridge in the seeking of government fund to go to school instead of that I'm completely insane it previously assumed. If I intended to go to schools at the Canadian (Monkey) level, I get fund from the school, but why waste life (time) in such places? The monkey would be proven wrong again a couple weeks after when I reached others I knew and they talked to it, but even after making wrong assumption about me AGAIN, it never ceased to think that it had the right to claim I am irrational and to make my decisions. (I think it's very irrational for one to think that it could make decisions for someone it knew nothing but by far more intelligent than it is.)


The day after, another detention "review" was held through video conference. The monkey said I should be kept in cage. I spoke about the outrageous, dehumanizing treatments I had been receiving, how no on I knew had even been informed. The judge had no problem with it at all. (Just another member of the Nazi) "If you find the treatments torturing, you have to speak to CBSA. For the use of the phone, it's up to the facility you are kept to decide. You behaviors in detention are unacceptable...." It's acceptable for the Nazi dogs to purposely hurt me physically and to cut off my communication to outside world, but unacceptable to pee where I want in the cage I was forced to be in. Gone the thoughts that Nazi has any respect to the human rights. Working for a different department, still a Nazi.


I stopped drinking water and ate as much salt and dehydrated food and exercised as much as possible, I wanted to die, it's the only way out of the torture and rape. The Nazi and the evil prositute-monkey had been very clear that keeping an innocent human being in a cage for months is usual, not a big deal to them at all. I was forced to choose between a lengthy torture and death.


Two days after, I spoke to this lawyer, the evil prositute-monkey #2, named ALISON PYPER it said it would get me out within 2 weeks, lie, reality 3 months with the help of embassy. I fell for it and broke the fast. I guess it does require a strong mind to die in such a painful way.


The next day, I was moved to the "range" (They adapt a lot of terms from the animal farm there.), a dorm with around 30 other prisoners, the range I was sent to consisted mostly by the colored people, separated from the white. I phoned the monkey #2 right away with the phone in the range (It can make collect calls only, paid by the receivers, the worse is pretty much no one could receive it at all, not even the monkey #1, the representative I was assigned.), "I talk to LISA (monkey #1), and we think it's best for you to stay there." WHAT THE FUCK?, "It's just a couple of months." ("Because you monkeys are never trying to achieve anything. It's more than the time needed to complete the Canadian "university" for one with human brain.") So I told the monkeys that I wanted to withdraw the claim for status and leave the country as soon as possible. I made it extremely clear, but the monkeys told me to think about it and to call in the evening next day.


Obviously, I was taking the fastest way out, I tried to call the evil prositute-monkey #2 in the early afternoon (in the office hours) to have it done a day early, it didn't pick up the phone. I called again in the evening. "The time you called was very early. If I pick up the phone, it's going to cost me a lot of money." .... "I'm withdrawing the claim." " I can't help you with that for if I do, I don't get fund from the legal aid." That was the last time I called this monkey.


In the early March, after 2 weeks of trying all day every day to have other prisoners call their people and login to my email account and contact my "friends" (If one call Canadian Red Cross from jail, they would just hang up apparently.), I finally got it sent, to MOHHAMMAD SAMANI, it was ignored though, I knew that because a couple days later, I finally found out a number of one I knew that can be reached with the jail phone, MARIKO KAGE, the evil prositute-monkey #3, which I met on a trip during the school break around New Year, extremely stupid, even on the Canadian(monkey) scale. Instructed it to login my email and inform others and, the huge mistake, to talk to the evil prositute-monkey #1. It said it would try to get me out as soon as possible.


A couple days after, the Taiwanese consulates gave me a visit, a few days before, for the third time I got to use the normal phone since kidnapped, I finally got through with them. I talked about the outrageous, humiliating treatments I had been receiving, how I could not communicate with outside world, assigned a representative that completely ignores my wishes and tries to keep me in jail. They couldn't understand though, might be because my calmness, how the disgusting dogs treated them completely differently obviously, they knew they received a call, but had no idea how I had been trying for a month just to make such a call to connect with them, "我們來這裡看你有沒有受到什麼不人道的對待,應該是沒有啦""他們已經把我關緊閉兩星期了,還不給打電話""有什麼事你再打電話來""他們不讓打""你就跟他們說ㄧ下就可以打了,這時間他們本說不能訪問,看了ㄧ下我們是台灣辦事處的就讓我們進來了"("幹,不然你明天打電話來看他們讓不讓我接啊!" What I should have said.) I wasn't able to contact them for the next two months.


A few days later, after monkey #3 contact it, RICHARD FROESE, a not very bright math professor from "U"BC, sent me a letter and a chapter of a book via monkey #1, saying it could give me a course via mails. On the mail, there's a phone number that I could not call with the phone in the rape house, and its address in "U"BC, I knew if I try to send a letter addressed "U"BC, the dogs would read it, and it would never be sent like the emails I tried to send previously. It mailed a book to the rape house, but it wasn't delivered to me until I got out two months later.


Around 22 of March, there was another detention "review", I made it very clear that I wanted to withdraw the claim and not to be represented, I had no wish to be in Nazi Canada, the judge said I had to speak to the representative that I do not want and something written had to be submitted.


The evil prositute-monkey #2 came at the end of March, I asked how I would be able to do such. It said to me that I simply can't, and it's up to monkey #1 to make the call. I asked how I could get rid of monkey #1. Impossible it said to me.


On April 14, I was given a chance to use the real phone and found out where I could send the mail to to get rid of monkey #1 and the claim for status, couldn't reach the embassy though, it was after the office hours. The chief dog said I get to fax the mail on the next day, another lie.


On April 15, I handed the letter to the dogs to mail it.


On April 18, in the morning, I tried to end the torture and my life with rope and weight (You will be surprised by what they have in the cage, lighter, alcohol, cigarettes, drugs). Canadians aka rapists made it very clear that death was the only way out of the torture. Since I had been able to contact monkey #3, I had been trying to persuade it to help me connect with embassy, other people, my family, but it refused. "You and the legal representative give completely different stories. I don't know who to believe." ("You don't know you should believe the most talented scientist in the country, a job of seeking truth, or a lawyer, a job of lying. Might as well believe the innocence of a prositute. Do you have a brain at all? What are the consequences of getting it wrong on each choice?") It believes the Nazi kept me in a cage, denied my communication for my safety, the moral of the dogs that do a job requires them to treat people differently according to their birth places, to put chains on people who post no threat to humanity, the dogs that put people whom they knew nothing about in the cages. I guess I am troubled by the memories of being locked in a cage, by locking me in a cage and give me a piece of paper that worths no more than a piece of toilet paper, they think they were helping me. It does stop me from thinking about other mistreatment I had received in the past though, none pf the violence and humiliation I received in the past came anywhere near what I received in Monkeyland. I still don't understand which part of "I do not want a Canadian status. I don't need 'protection' given by Canadian government. If anything, I need to be protected from the Canadian government." ambiguous or confusing. I was trying so hard to have the raping end, to have a Nazi status would be a disgrace to me, it's the most disgusting title anyone could ever have in my opinion, and they kept saying how worthless my time(life) is to them, but the Canadians aka rapists saw it as the opportunity to get what they want from me. For the evil prositute-monkeys, the funds from the government. For RICHARD FROESE, which had been trying to make me work on math with it, a chance to force my decision, like the idea of murdering a girl's boyfriend to be with the girl. For a month, every night I looked at the rope that would rescue me from rape, and decided to hang on another day to try to convince the monkey #3 to help me get out, then I gave up trying to make the monkey reason and think, so I decided to end it myself, death seems so wonderful when being asleep was the best part of my day and the nightmares and flashbacks I have been experiencing were expected. Never knowing whether the mail was sent and even if it was, the evil monkeys said it would take more than a month for me to get out, I figured that's a lie, but as how it had been going, it's going to take a while. On April 18, I finally got that one minute of courage, not the best timing though. I hided it pretty well and believed wholeheartedly that it would be the end, but I was found by other prisoners after passing out (no privacy in the cage). They surrendered me with the looks of shocked on their faces, and I thought ("WTF would you wake me up into this nightmare? I was feeling so good." Not to feel is the dream when all I feel is pain.) I remember feeling numb all over my body for seconds, then I passed out, there was no pain at all. 


Then the dogs came. "The way you tried to end your life was peaceful. Now if you don't do what we tell you, we are going to give you a lot of pain." Then there's a "doctor" to see me, apparently it's too much to ask in Monkeyland for someone who claims to understand my mind to have a tenth of my brain size. Ain't it obvious that the treatments if were given to a dog would be animal cruelty, then it's inhuman to treat human like this? The "doctors" of the Nazi Canada should see me as their vet for a monkey is not supposed to think that it could determine whether a human is being rational or not.


It only worsen the treatments I was receiving. I was stripped naked, had my ass hole checked, and thrown into a cage with nothing by myself. Another month of solitary confinement. Transfered from NIAGARA DETENTION CENTER to MAPLE HURST JAIL around the end of April.


On May 12, I got to use the normal phone for the 6th time and got to talk to the embassy for the second time, and finally got out of the controls of the rapists on May 13 EST after more than 96 days of being caged, around 45 of which in solitary confinement ( 15 days is torture even according to the UN definition, referred as torture by Chinese as well)


Since, I have been having nightmares of what already happened when I sleep, flashbacks when I am awake.


The damage of rape is not the amount of blood one bleeds. It changes how one look at this world completely. I believe I live in such a world full of monsters that will rape me, torture me to get what they want from me while I have done nothing to them, even those I trusted wholeheartedly wouldn't. I look at a person and ask myself if the person has a chance to torture me for money, what would he/she do?, and the assumption now is they wouldn't give a shit about my pain at all, as long as they don't have to hear me yell in pain. I am not really sure if the betrayal hurt more or the rape itself. If you talk to a Nazi Canadian, they always say how much they care, though their actions seem to have nothing to do with what they say. I live in fear for good reason. Am I really to be considered easily provoke? I didn't fight back when they ripped off my clothes, I didn't fight back kneeled me by force, I didn't fight back when it hurt my wrist purposely. But there's no limitations on what they would do to make it happen obviously. It's fact, it's what happened before, though it appears no one could understand, relate to it.


For almost two years, I have been seeking justice. People give me advices, they are phrased differently, but all read the same, that's to act as if nothing had ever happened. Why would I want to work for the world that could not even meet the requirement of not to rape me, or at least lynch them after they do, to make effort to improve the life of the monsters that I believe made up the most of population?


I bike and travel for the feel of that I could be at anywhere I have never been, surrounded by beautiful nature. The complete opposite feeling of being in the Nazi camp, where I knew for sure there would just be more raping every day. Biking is like breathing to me, it saves me from the flashbacks of feeling of rape.


For the past year I had been traveling, I met a lot of long term travellers, mostly Westerners. They ask where do I get my money from like others, they always look down on me for I say I live on the help of nice people on the way. I met musician ,photographer, and a girl does a job of finding out where people's ancestors live. I mean what does that do to the humanity at all. The people of the countries they were visiting if to do these things, would not be able to feed themselves, not to say travrl around the world. They live off the benefits of the economic system build on wars and murders. They believe if they have something, have the money mean they deserve them. ("When you look at these people, don't you wonder why you get to travel and they have to serve you, whereas if they want to do the same, due to the skin tone and birth place of them, it would be easier in the era of Marco Polo?") I do think I deserve the trip more for the good effort I made to try to do something actually useful, and the torture and rape I got as rewards.


Any country if to murder 97% of population of Canada and take over their land, would have their economic improved by a lot I am sure.

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